this is me, chadwick williams.
and l am--
līm writing a book
about the lives of the many men that l have met...
black men...
very much like myself.
some not.
black men whose voices are muted,
swept under the carpet,
silenced by secrecy.
the dl man blurs the lines between
an otherwise supposed clear distinction
between gay and straight,
normal and abnormal,
moral and immoral...
like a child joining two bloodlines,
one dirty...
and one clean.
black men caught somewhere in between
a definition and a designation.
living in a gray area.
living on the downlow.
.. qualified to sing my life chronicles ..
.. than me ..
.. who better more qualified ..
- .. to sing my life .. - .. sing my life, sing my life ..
.. sing my life, sing my life ..
līm heading to the parking structure right now.
y eah, itīs okay.
oh! shit.
excuse me. līm sorry.
no, no, no. no problem.
thanks. līm-- līm really sorry.
oh, no, no. really.
no harm done.
ltīs not like you messed up my new sneaks or anything.
here you go. y ou forgot this one.
oh, thanks. ltīs just my business card.
why donīt you hold onto it?
līm wes-- wes thomas.
līm a real estate banker,
in case youīre looking for a loan.
um, chadwick-- chadwick williams.
līm a journalist... or aspiring journalist.
yeah. oh! oh, oh!
honey? y eah, līm sorry.
l just dropped my wallet.
ltīs my wife. l, um--
look, uh, līm sorry again.
- ltīs okay. no, you have a good day. - y ou, too.
and, if youīre in the market, look me up.
y eah, definitely.
honey?
no, līm here.
l just ran into a guy without paying attention.
no, no, no. ltīs-- ltīs okay.
uh-huh. līll be home in a sec.
y eah, love you, too.
meet wes thomas.
sarah?
- līm home.
- honey, youīre late. - līm sorry.
l had to go to three different stores to get this stuff.
l have more bags in the car.
here, let me get you some help.
trent! can you give us a hand?
trent? your brotherīs here?
he has a couple of job interviews in the city,
and heīs just gonna be here until the end of the week.
- heīs weird. - l know.
he has his issues.
but havenīt we all?
lssues. okay.
hey, be nice.
the etymology of nice is stupid.
well, stupid is as stupid does.
thatīs why l married you.
see no evil.
hi, trent. how you been?
um... good, l guess.
you guess?
yeah, l guess.
and you?
youīre guess is as good as mine.
well, there are more bags in the car.
here to service you.
l mean...
at your service.
got jokes.
hey, and make sure you remove all the dead leaves.
dead leaves...
got it.
look, mr. smart-ass.
you better be at your best behavior tonight.
honey, can you give me a hand with this tie?
honey, my hands are wet.
have trent help you.
l laid out your armani slacks, dear.
where?
wait a minute.
look, l donīt know whatīs wrong with these.
theyīre black.
actually, under the wrong lighting conditions,
they may appear a shade too light.
canīt you do anything yourself?
ltīs like l married a child in a manīs body.
well, what about my tie?
here, let me help you with that.
- līll do it. - l can button my--
l told you līll do it.
man of the house deserves a little appreciation every once in a while.
why, thank you, trent. l--
l appreciate your concern.
no problem.
so...
l see that things havenīt changed around here very much.
my sisterīs still cracking the whip.
l can see your sense of humor hasnīt changed, either.
- still cracking your jokes. - chuckles)
y ou know what, l have it.
- y ouīre wearing the wrong slacks. - what?
the armani slacks?
l believe sarahīs wearing them.
oh, l mean, getting them for you.
y eah, right.
so what do you think is cooking in that oven?
- well, l think-- - ltīs a boy.
all) oh!
excuse me.
that is wishful thinking.
what if he is a she?
- hey, come here. - crowd) aw! right.
- l love you. - l love you, too.
oh...
wes, when are you and sarah gonna start your family?
līll leave that question to wes.
and on that note, līll be right back.
okay.
oh-- ln time.
we just wanna make sure that weīre well prepared.
take it from me, buddy.
preparation?
y ou get past 35... get yourself a nice dog.
l mean, itīs like this.
y ou donīt wanna be an old man at little league games.
so, trent, you got a girlfriend yet?
rodney!
y ou are so nosey.
y ou know, not quite. but l am toying with the idea.
nice looking young man like yourself. whatīs the wait?
l prefer to think, whatīs the hurry?
thatīs right, hon. you take your time.
sometimes people find themselves rushing into things
that they wish they could get themselves out of.
- līd like to make a toast.
a toast to two of our best friends,
charles and patricia.
līd like to make a toast to love,
to commitment,
for sticking in there when things got rough.
you know, in every marriage,
thereīs always differences of opinion.
of motivation, of intention.
should we start a family? should we not?
do we both want to?
and yet youīre always on the same page, and l adore that.
l-- l aspire to that.
as every marriage should.
and, um, last but not least,
a toast to the reason why weīre gathered here tonight.
a toast to life.
a toast to new life.
congratulations, patricia and charles.
- thank you. thank you. - congratulations.
l wish we could all be so lucky.
salud!
youīre next, man.
yeah. congratulations
yeah. excuse me.
why do you do that?
you love to humiliate me.
what are you talking about, wes?
donīt patronize me, either.
your little speech?
all those fucking innuendos?
do not curse me.
l do everything for you!
- keep your voice down
l work-- l work my ass off
60 hours a week at a job l hate for you.
l had this house built from the ground,
when l had barely anything,
for you.
l am knee-deep in debt,
all to make you happy.
l mean, what else do you want from me?
y ou promised to take care of me.
y ou took that vow. y ou said, īīl do.īī
we are husband and wife. and let me remind you, it is your duty--
lt is your duty to have sex with me.
maybe l would want sex with you
if you werenīt so damn utilitarian about it.
what is so utilitarian about wanting to have children?
- l expect that. - groans)
trent) hey, is, uh...
everything okay in here?
- y eah, weīre fine. - scoffs)
y eah, weīre great.
sighs) come in.
hey, am l bothering you?
no.
līm already bothered.
well, līm just checking to see if everything is cool,
because itīs 3:00 in the morning,
and līm supposed to be sleeping on that futon right there.
oh, sorry, man.
no, itīs cool. l mean, l could go and sleep on the couch.
no, no. līll go. ltīs--
grunts) where-- whereīs sarah?
sheīs asleep.
she went to bed hours ago.
so, uh...
what happened?
nothing really.
silly marriage stuff.
hmm.
silly enough for you to...
down a whole bottle of whiskey?
ltīs not all gone. thereīs still some left.
you wanna have the last of it with me?
hmm?
whispering) nightcap.
whoa...
am l that fucked up?
- y eah, almost. - mmm...
you know what, thereīs only one glass.
let me go and grab another one.
no, thatīs okay. we can share it.
l trust you.
y ou first.
ah, thatīs, uh... coughs)
- strong straight. - chuckles)
y ou know what?
l was thinking you were a pretty amazing guy.
why do you say that?
well, itīs because l admire you.
y ou know, l remember when you
and my sister met in high school,
and my folks wanted nothing to do with you.
- said you werenīt decent enough. - mm-hmm.
their way of saying too poor.
now, look, they love you to death.
y ouīre a self-made man.
and l commend that.
l admire that.
thank you.
but are you happy?
whispering) no.
oh, shit.
oh, whereīs sarah?
well, good morning to you, too.
- whereīs sarah? - work.
trent, were you awake when she left?
l slept on the couch.
what?
l slept on the couch.
what the fuck?
well, hi.
what are you doing in here?
flowers? for me or sarah?
- trent, l canīt-- - and the winner is...
īīsarah thomas.īī
y ou know what? līm sorry,
sarahīs on location at work, working overtime,
staying as far away from home as possible.
but l would be honored to accept that on her behalf.
and she sends her love.
oh, look, l--
- this is not happening. - whatīs not happening?
this, trent. this is-- ltīs not happening.
god, look, this is crazy. and-- and itīs not right.
l love sarah. sheīs my wife.
- sheīs your sister. this-- - whatīs not right?
the fact that you cheated,
the fact that sarahīs my sister,
or the fact that you had sex with a man?
look, what we did doesnīt change anything.
līm straight, okay?
l love my wife.
and l donīt doubt that.
but love is in the doing, not in the saying.
shut the fuck up!
y ou said you werenīt happy.
what we did meant nothing, okay?
nothing.
and l think itīs best that, after this weekend,
you leave as soon as possible.
speak no evil.
līm sorry.
good night.
l love you.
good night.
baby, is something wrong?
no.
līm just tired.
why?
well, you still seem a little bothered about it.
ltīs just been a long day.
l want to talk to you about something.
hmm?
about my brother.
y eah?
l know how he is, you know.
and l know how you are.
l spoke with trent earlier, and--
called me at work.
he said he was going to be
leaving this weekend because of what happened.
what are you talking about?
he told me everything...
about feeling intrusive,
with us having all our fights and all.
and l told him he can stay.
ls that all?
y eah, l know l should have asked you first,
but itīs just until he can get back on his feet.
honey,
if our brother wants to stay,
he can stay as long as he likes.
thank you, baby.
y ouīre welcome.
williams) when faced with the multiple-choice question
of being...
who am l?
to which world do l belong?
the downlow man desires an eraser at the end of a ballpoint pen,
never realizing that ink
is not an easily erasable medium.